Hi Rose,
How do you live for the moment? I'm having difficulty doing the one day at a time thing. I have 9 months left in Ireland, and I'm already dreading leaving. I would be looking forward to going home, except that means I'll probably have to leave JAF (Oct.14.75) behind. I know I'm only 23, and I know your theory about life being a buffet, and your sweater/lint analogy. But I'm attached (dammit, tried really hard not to get attached, but I did). There's a chance he may come to Canada with me for a year if he manages to get a transfer from work. I want to enjoy the time I have left here, but for some reason, I can't stop thinking about how much it will hurt to say goodbye. I can't talk to him about this because he only gets mad. He says that I hurt him when I bring it up. He doesn't want me to talk about it because he doesn't want to think about it. I wish I could make myself not think about it too. Does he love me? Does he come to Canada? How do I stop letting thoughts of next summer ruin my last year here?
Love Mel
(MJS Dec.20.82)
1 comment:
Aloha Mel
I once heard it said, "If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow you may find yourself peeing on today."
There's nothing at all wrong with being attached to JAF. It is a great gift to be loved and in love. Forget about the future of the relationship and enjoy each moment with him. Like a juicy grape, squeeze that puppy and enjoy the sweetness. It may not hurt at all to say good-bye. It just might never come to pass. Please stop talking to him about the possible pain of separation. Focus on him now. Close your eyes when you touch him and just BE with it.
He loves you. Lighten up! you're bumming him out. He comes to Canada. Relax!. There are exercises you can do to remain "present". To be in the present focus on your breathing and think "I am breathing in. I am breathing out" repeatedly. Also, you can listen for something, see something, feel something. For example: "I hear a bird. I see the sky. I feel the wind on my skin. Do this over and over until you feel now.
love
~R
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